Rules of Healthy and Unhealthy Families
| Rules of Unhealthy Families | Rules of Healthy Families |
| 1. Don't talk about problems; if you must talk about problems never talk about the real problems. | 1. Talk about family problems openly and honestly, and deal with the real problems. |
| 2. Don't express feelings. | 2. Express feelings freely, including sadness, fear, and anger. |
| 3. Never talk to another family member directly; always go through another person. | 3. Communicate directly. |
| 4. Be strong, be good, be right, be perfect. | 4. Be human; it's O.K. to make mistakes. |
| 5. Make us proud. | 5. Do your best. |
| 6. Don't be selfish. | 6. Have a sense of self. |
| 7. Do as I say, not as I do. | 7. Own your own actions. |
| 8. It's not O.K. to play or to be playful. | 8. It's O.K. to play and laugh. |
| 9. Don't rock the boat. | 9. Conflict is allowed and resolved. |
| 10. Rigid roles. | 10. No rigid roles. |
| 11. Rigid rules. | 11. No rigid rules. |
| 12. Family secrets. | 12. No family secrets. |
| 13. Resist outsiders from entering the system. | 13. Invite help from the outside when needed. |
| 14. No personal privacy; unclear personal boundaries. | 14. Members have a right to personal privacy in order to develop a sense of self. |
| 15. False loyalty to the family; members never free to leave the system. | 15. Members have a sense of family and are permitted to leave the system. |
| 16. Family resists change. | 16. Family continually changes. |
| 17. There is no unity; the family is fragmented. | 17. There is a sense of wholeness in the family. |
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Last Updated - February, 2005